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Mike Shvenderman was born in the desolate and freezing region of Moscow around 1987, though there is no formal documentation or birth certificates available to the public. Arcane rumors state that he exhibits unprecedented powers although there is no solid evidence to back this up. For instance, one story recounts how Shvenderman's father had a goat stolen, and Shvenderman was able to identify the wrongdoer through celestial knowledge.

However, during his teenage years it has been documented that he made an extraordinary four course meal using only a mouli and a toaster oven, breed prizewinning clams, won bull fights in San Juan, won cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka, conquered spelling bees at the Kremlin, played Hamlet, performed open heart surgery and had spoken with Elvis.

Quotes from women:

"Fuckable if I'm drunk"

"His sparkling blue eyes were so captivating that I orgasmed after 4 seconds of eye contact"

"He had head-turning charisma like that of a young Richard Gear"

" He was dashing yet a bit rugged at the same time. His public speaking ability was beyond mind-melting. The sound of his soft masculine voice made us all melt inside."

"I mentioned to my friends that, hypothetically speaking, if Shvenderman was a superhero I would imagine him to be a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice like Superman but more charismatic. We all agreed that he is probably the kind of man that remodels train stations on his lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention, voluntarily and without taking credit. To sum it up he seemed like a private citizen that receives fan mail. All done simply for the greater good of the people."

"My friend mentioned that he probably plays bluegrass cello to serenade his girlfriend after cooking her the best dark chocolate cookies known to society, that simply melt in your mouth."

After a brief and unsuccessful stint in the KKK, Mike Shvenderman moved to Washington, DC, graduated from Virginia Tech and now lives in NYC performing stand-up comedy! And, while he currently isn't allowed within 100 meters of a gay bar (Legal Shit), that hasn't stopped him from trying to complete his children's novel "Fee Fi Fo Fuck Me In The Ass, Sargent."

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